Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Saturday 7/10
Funny how thoughts are no longer about things but feelings; Trouble again this morning getting a bed in Paris, had to pay a ridiculous amount for the first night just to be guaranteed a bed for arrival. I knew everything would take longer to navigate but rather than double as I imagined, all day to do what at home would take a couple of hours.
I am so scared of being treated badly because I only speak english. It feels like I have a disease I should apologise for. I do have to accept what I get told and cant negotiate or question and I dont get the best deal or what I want. But in Kathleen's words - you get what you get!...
Post script - I need to pull my finger out and learn another language - at this moment it will be French or Spanish...
I am starting to realise and accept it will take full days to get anywhere and I need to turn sitting and waiting into an art form, and entertainment. I am still in Callais sitting and waiting but I have found some sunshine and a seat on a planter box; the sun is out, the sky is blue; I have had a coffee and pastry as I wait and across the road I can see a 'chateau' looking building zith a clock tower - very French, imposing ornate architecture. So after yesterday's drowning, the world is good.
I cannot feel sorry for myself. I suppose I am lonely but just as I think it's too hard, I meet someone doing it harder than me and coping. As I sit here a Japanese girl walked up with a heavy pack and sat down. Akane was heading for Belgium and then Austria from Paris as her visa to Britain had been refused. She spoke Japanese and good english but no French and she was doing it tough.
Anna said to me yesterday, when I said I couldn't afford wine and a taxi, but thanks for offering, that she would pay as I would 'pass it forward' to another traveller. And she was right, zithout even thinking this morning I shared my pastry with Akane who it turned out had not had any breakfast. She needed a friendly word and some company as much as me. It feels terrible to be rejected and probably even worse to have a visa rejected and worse again for your 'face' in Japan.
SO I get over myself and get on with life. I said earlier I am starting to accept that I have to slow down and do things that are achieveable rather than having huge expectations I cant meet and then feel let down. Well, I have some way to go. All my life I have had high expectations of myself, those around me and what happens to me. Lowering my expectations is very tough.
Funny how thoughts are no longer about things but feelings; Trouble again this morning getting a bed in Paris, had to pay a ridiculous amount for the first night just to be guaranteed a bed for arrival. I knew everything would take longer to navigate but rather than double as I imagined, all day to do what at home would take a couple of hours.
I am so scared of being treated badly because I only speak english. It feels like I have a disease I should apologise for. I do have to accept what I get told and cant negotiate or question and I dont get the best deal or what I want. But in Kathleen's words - you get what you get!...
Post script - I need to pull my finger out and learn another language - at this moment it will be French or Spanish...
I am starting to realise and accept it will take full days to get anywhere and I need to turn sitting and waiting into an art form, and entertainment. I am still in Callais sitting and waiting but I have found some sunshine and a seat on a planter box; the sun is out, the sky is blue; I have had a coffee and pastry as I wait and across the road I can see a 'chateau' looking building zith a clock tower - very French, imposing ornate architecture. So after yesterday's drowning, the world is good.
I cannot feel sorry for myself. I suppose I am lonely but just as I think it's too hard, I meet someone doing it harder than me and coping. As I sit here a Japanese girl walked up with a heavy pack and sat down. Akane was heading for Belgium and then Austria from Paris as her visa to Britain had been refused. She spoke Japanese and good english but no French and she was doing it tough.
Anna said to me yesterday, when I said I couldn't afford wine and a taxi, but thanks for offering, that she would pay as I would 'pass it forward' to another traveller. And she was right, zithout even thinking this morning I shared my pastry with Akane who it turned out had not had any breakfast. She needed a friendly word and some company as much as me. It feels terrible to be rejected and probably even worse to have a visa rejected and worse again for your 'face' in Japan.
SO I get over myself and get on with life. I said earlier I am starting to accept that I have to slow down and do things that are achieveable rather than having huge expectations I cant meet and then feel let down. Well, I have some way to go. All my life I have had high expectations of myself, those around me and what happens to me. Lowering my expectations is very tough.
# posted by The Essence of Good Taste @ 12:22 PM 
